he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
