The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
