Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i think i just lost a toe
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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