I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
