I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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