you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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