If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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