I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize