He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
