So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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