'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
