Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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