someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
