Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
