I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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