Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
