I accidentally burped into my bong.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
