ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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