Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
