You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
