He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
