I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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