she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
