Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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