there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
