I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
