I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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