just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
