This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
