oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
