Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I could make wine with my vomit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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