Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
