weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
