If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
