my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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