mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
