my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
