Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We are all done wearing pants today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize