I am puke
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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