Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
