i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
