there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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