I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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