Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
