i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
vagina is talking i cant
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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