We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize