I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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