I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
