mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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