Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
