Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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