closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
