I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
