Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
