you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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