I'm eating all of the evidence.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
