Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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