literally had 100 drinks last night.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize