The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
