But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
