that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize