I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
