Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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