my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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