I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
