It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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