my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Couch. On fire.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
