walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's get the cat blown out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize