can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
did you just send me my own nude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
