The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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