I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
