I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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