i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
