Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
