Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
