I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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