I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
