Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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