you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
