Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
