he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
