Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
