That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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