I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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