I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
