i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
