Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
