Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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