I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
