Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't deserve a penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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