Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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