I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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