can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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