so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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