i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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