New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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