Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
