i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
