i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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