It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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