Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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