You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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