u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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