i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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